The solution to Sky’s summer problems

Satellite sports broadcasters hate the summer. With no football to show, other than the pre-qualification rounds of the Europa League that are “brought to you exclusively live in stunning HD” from a village in the Baltics, they’ve got a bit of cricket to showcase and not much else.

The solution to Sky’s summer problems

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August 1st, 2011

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Even when there is a major international tournament on, which there isn’t, satellite broadcasters are left kicking their heels and twiddling their thumbs as the ITV are allowed to mess up that coverage. All the while, the BBC let Gary Lineker read from his big book of puns.

But huzzah! Because some bright spark has come up with a solution to the woes of the satellite broadcaster – the Pointless Pre-Season “Super” Cup!

Along with the Pointless Fly around the World to Play an Asian Invitational XI for a Garish Trophy in Monsoon Season Cup, the Pointless Pre-Season “Super” Cup has become the next big thing in the armoury of Sky Sports and ESPN to ensure that it is utterly impossible to avoid pointless football matches. Yes; whilst the sun is shining outside, you can now sit in your lounge for two full days of football. How could you not want to watch Celtic Reserves take on an apathetic invitational team?

One such tournament is the Emirates Cup, a competition designed purely so that Arsenal can point to something in the trophy cabinet when they show tourists around on the Emirates Stadium tour.

The big attraction this season was New York Red Bulls and their Wide Receiver, Thierry Henry, who once played for Arsenal and even won something. That ensured a sell-out crowd for this particular Pointless Pre-Season “Super” Cup.

Unfortunately, things didn’t go to plan for Arsenal as New York Linebacker, Roy Miller, fired the ball across the area and Kyle Bartley obliged by putting the ball into the roof of his own net to leave a big empty space in the even bigger empty space that is the Arsenal trophy cabinet.

If things were bad for Arsenal in their Pointless Pre-Season “Super” Cup, things weren’t so bad for Manchester City.

After sending their kids onto the field to beat a rag-tag bunch of League of Ireland players on Saturday, City hammered Inter Milan 3-0 on Sunday to lift the Dublin Super Cup and send the crowd of green plastic seats wild.

It has been an expensive pre-season for City. A trip to the USA, a new dummy for Mario Balotelli, a weekend in Dublin and, coming up, the massively prestigious and very, very important Community Shield – a trophy that is even more meaningful than Arsenal’s championship credentials.

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