Newcastle continue twit cull

It looks like Jose Enrique will be the second ‘twit’ to leave St James’ Park this week, as Newcastle United continue their policy of selling anyone who has ever turned up to training with an iPhone.

Newcastle continue twit cull

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August 3rd, 2011

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Just days after literary genius Joey Barton landed himself on the transfer list for having a pop at the Newcastle hierarchy on Twitter, Spanish left-back Enrique is making his way through the door marked ‘Salida’ and hitch-hiking a ride to Anfield.

Enrique’s crime, it seems, is giving an honest assessment of Newcastle’s Premier League aspirations, claiming that the club’s transfer policy isn’t what you’d expect from a club with loft aspirations.

The club is allowing all the major players of the team to go,” he wrote. “Seriously, do you think it is the fault of the players? Andy [Carroll], nobby [Kevin Nolan] etc etc. This club will never again fight to be among the top six again with this policy.”

Even if Newcastle look like they’ll starting the season with a squad that is a lot worse than the one that got relegated in 2009, Jose should know that honest insight like that cannot be tolerated and, as a result, the club must say “adios!”.

In keeping with the football journalism tradition of picking transfer fees from a bingo machine, the deal taking Enrique to Liverpool is worth anywhere between £5m and £10m, depending on which particular rag you picked up this morning. That, as far as Kenny Dalglish is concerned, seems to be a bit of a snip for the first foreign defender not to have made a complete fool of himself during his time on the Toon since Phillipe Albert lobbed a certain Peter Schmeichel.

Should Enrique decide to swap the Tyne for the Mersey, Enrique can expect a decent improvement on his current contract (and he’ll need it, given that the tunnel toll in Liverpool is 30p more expensive) and Alan Pardew will have a few extra pound coins in his “try to just about avoid relegation” war chest.  With the Newcastle accountant still counting the £35m that was sent north for Andy Carroll and the £3m that arrived from West Ham for Kevin Nolan, Pardew (in theory at least) should be enjoying one hell of a trolley dash at the Metro Centre Sports Direct. So far, he has brought in four players, three of whom we know fairly little about, although Yohan Cabaye does have four French caps to his name.

Nevertheless, tune in tomorrow to read about the next Newcastle player who’s having his smartphone confiscated.

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