(Football) Season’s Greetings
This time tomorrow, the majority of Premier League sides will be on the pitch for the opening games of the season – aside from the obvious early kick-off and evening game. Here’s a quick round-up of the final round of gossip and naysaying which your ever-more frustrated writers have come to accept as news in lieu of a ball actually being kicked during the summer.
August 16th, 2013
It has been reported as news today that Gareth Bale will be out of action for two weeks, missing the opener against Crystal Palace and Swansea a week later. He’ll also miss the Europa League playoff game against Dinamo Tbilisi due to the foot injury he’s been carrying all summer. Having missed the match for Wales against the Republic of Ireland on Wednesday night, we’re assuming that the headline “Bale injured” should actually have been “Bale still injured”. But hey, that’s what happens when there’s not actually any league football happening to talk about.
Meanwhile, the manager of Manchester United has stunned world football by expressing his concern over his side’s upcoming fixtures, finding it “hard to believe that’s the way the balls came out of the bag”. The defending champions’ first five opponents are Swansea, Chelsea, Liverpool, Palace and Man City. The only difference to every other season is that it’s now David Moyes speaking out of school rather than his predecessor Sir Alex Ferguson. Again, we must stress that this is a thing which happened recently; all the papers said so.
And in actual, actual news, Scott Parker could be switching London sides as it’s been reported that QPR have agreed a deal with Spurs for his signature. No stranger to the capital city, 66% of Parker’s current CV reads in a Cockney accent.